#also it's not just them writing it like are u crazy

[hyukascampfire]

let me put my clothes back on and fix my makeup the way this fic just fucked me. on a srs note, first of all, hyukascampfire nation go read this!! right now!! it has been a long time since i’ve found a fic series that i’ve latched on to. there’s something about having a fic that you dedicate to a time in your life, and i fear that it is going to be this one.

beomgyu especially is going to stick with me. his character is raw and brutal, and there’s no way he couldn’t. he tears a spot in your mind so easy that it’s honestly DISGUSTING. i quite literally don’t think i’ll be seeing beomgyu the same for months cause now it’s just cc beomgyu living in my mind and i NEEEEED it. i seriously cannot fucking wait for the rest of this series. not only am i blessed to have serene as a best friend, but to have the author of this fic as a best friend casually is actuLly insane and i lowkey forget how crazy that is what the fuck >.<!!

he’s constantly sort of described as a drug/addictive substance himself. you know that, inherently, he is bad for you. you take him anyway, because the hit you get from it is euphoric. he is euphoric in the dark, dirty sense that only a drug could be. what a brilliant way to characterize a character like him. i honestly could wax poetic about how you write beomgyu and how it’s going to honestly stick with me for a long time for literally forever. are you joking? personifying him as a drug himself?? “He refused to leave your system, no matter how many times you tried to get clean.” and he exactly did. it’s just fucking insane how this fic reads as a hellish battle with a drug addiction and all the highs and lows it drags you through the muck and dirt. it’s poetic in a way that literslly makes me want to take my eyeballs out of my head and throw them like bouncy balls cause WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? i’m literally fucking mad at myself that this isn’t my fic like jealousy is CONSUMING ME i need to own your brain. :333

it’s like, MC is constantly doing things that id consider stupid, but i wouldn’t call her a dumb character. she recognizes when she’s doing dumb shit in the same way any addict knows that they’re destroying themselves in their hunt for an ‘eternal high’ that will never come. beomgyu will never be permanent, never be what she wants him to be, but of course she’s still going to chase him. she’s dependent on it. i for real would consider the fact that he still shakes her in the present just a side effect of withdrawals, or even the threat of relapse. OH GOD, seeing him in that interrogation is literally a battle against relapse as she quite literally has to remind herself of what he’s done. no, she is not stupid at all. she’s just fighting a battle that was genuinely never meant for her to win. beomgyu knows that.

He constantly makes me wonder if he’s keeping her at arm’s length to protect her, or if he’s doing it because he doesn’t actually care about her enough to bring her any closer than arm’s length. which is perfect, because that’s exactly the effect that choi beomgyu has. it’s exactly how MC feels. I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO U HOW WELL YOU’VE PUT US IN THEHER SHOES. i literally feel like i’m in the same boat as her. he gives her just enough to make her wonder, and then he recedes, and what are you supposed to think of that? obviously, from the outside looking in, it’s easy to assume that somebody who does that is only toying with you in a purposefully manipulative way. and i do think that if him. but i’m also right in the MC’s head when he offers those fleeting moments that you forget about the frames of the rose-tinted glasses he’s placing on your face, and instead all you can see is the pretty pink shade of everything. these are those ‘highs’ he offers, and that MC is constantly chasing. the idea that things could be good. but isn’t it all the more sour that he could be good and yet isn’t, rather than that he is all bad? it’s all so bittersweet and tragic. beomgyu is a bit slimy, awful, and red flag incarnate. a yet again, in this subtle and nuanced way that i even find hard to describe, he isn’t like the others he surrounds himself with. i mean, he is, but he isn’t. LMAO SEE?? i feel you MC. i really do. i’d let choi beomgyu walk me like a dog too, tho!

AND YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLE AT PORTRAYING AN UNRELIABLE, BIASED NARRATOR. “Maybe Kayla had been wrong about him, after all she didn’t know him, not like you did” this is so real and visceral. such a real thing that those that have been thoroughly manipulated tell themselves. she keeps moving the goalposts, making excuses for things that do not deserve excuses. this is exactly how somebody with that type of seized mindset would behave. not that it’s the correct mindset, because goodness she’s being walked all over, but it is entirely real, and that is the beauty of this fic. it doesn’t pull punches to make it a cute love story. it doesn’t claim to be one. i cannot explain to you how much i appreciate that as another author. am i making a little voodoo doll of you and doing dark magic so that i can steal your thoughts and talent in little increments so that you won’t notice? no… don’t worry abt it…

AND ANOTHER THING! (no dont drag me away to the padded white room yet pls i have more to say) The scene where the gross drunk guy comes up on MC?? i feel like it makes it even less clear whether or not Beomgyu actually cares for her, or to tell whether or not there actually is a better side to him. did he save her just because the dude insinuates that he can have what beomgyu considers his? because he called her a doll, and that’s beomgyu’s name for her? is it a pride/ownership thing, or did he swoop in because he genuinely was worried for her safety? if he was, why would he be bringing her around the slummy types of places that he thrives in, seems to own, knowing what could happen to her? and then eating her out afterward because he got jealous? so he’s actually the king of mixed signals and it is SICK. i’d be as twisted up as MC i swear to god, because what? i literally could not tell you if it’s a ‘don’t touch her because she’s mine, and how dare you think you can touch what is mine’ sort of thing, or a ‘don’t touch her because i won’t let you hurt her’ kinda thing. which i mean, it could be both IDFK??? everything he does is so convoluted and it’s so incredibly stifling. it’s to the point that even finding out which it is becomes intoxicating. like the mystery of it is almost the most addictive part.

and godd, it’s so frustrating when he just knows inherently that, like when he asks if Kai was her boyfriend, it couldn’t be true. cause he knows exactly what he does to her (in the worst way possible). like i just hate when a man KNOWS it’s INSUFFERABLE UGH. it should be that she has the power over him—the detective with sway over the case in which he is being questioned over MURDER. not even to mention the fact that it’s alluded to the idea that she already is completely aware that he has committed murder before. in front of her eyes, nonetheless. she should hold all the power. but being who he is, he maintains the upper hand inherently. it’s frustrating to see, and even more frustrating to experience. to have all that and still know that he owns the space between you. literally what are you supposed to do about that? cuz the moment a man ESPECIALLY one like beomgyu knows that he can walk u like a dog it’s over for you. sorry, you’re cooked. why couldn’t kai be her boyfriend? because beomgyu knows he’s not. THATS SO FUCKING INFURIATING BECAUSE HE’S RIGHT AND HE KNOWS FOR A FACT HE IS.

IM NOT DONE YET! you defy the logical conclusion that because he is the love interest in this fic, he couldn’t have been the murderer. there’s a lot of points where i inherently want to assume that obviously he couldn’t have done something like that, because he is the main love interest in a fanfic. and in most fanfics, that would seem starkly true. it just doesn’t really happen. usually, even if it was proposed that a major character that the whole story is centered around was possibly the murderer, it would be made clear later on that ‘no! they weren’t! they would never, because they were framed!’ or whatever. and then i’m reminded brutally by beomgyu’s own behavior that he quite literally couldve, and that’s who he is. somebody who will draw you in and turn on your initial blinders when you see what kind of man he is, all the way until you’re saying ‘no, he couldn’t.’ but he really, really could. i literslly can not tell if he did it or not, and that’s the effect of him. it’s just substantial and honestly not something i’ve seen and it’s SOOO YUM.

even just the fact that he is so absolutely sure that after all these year’s he’s still got her on a leash is just unbelievable. “Just how deep does your loyalty still run?” And you know what? he isn’t even wrong. STILL! he’s not asking, ‘are you still loyal?’ no. he’s asking, ‘how deep does your loyalty still run?’ because he just fucking knows what effect he has, and how thoroughly he has fucked her up to the point that him saying this is truthfully cruel. how could he love her, if he knows he brings her to these lows, brings her down to his level? but then again, doesn’t it seem like he really does sometimes? it’s not fair. he knows he has her at his beck and call like a pet. strings her along fully intentionally, knows that she longs for something more emotional, and still he does. it’s mean. and i can recognize that, and even then i don’t think i can completely cast him away. like, fully aware that maybe he doesn’t really love her, but still hang on to every second of their conversation and interactions, beyond the sex. it’s completely ironic and is exactly what MC struggles with.

i also noticed that, when beomgyu appears, shes always pretending that he’s not there for at least a little bit. staring straight ahead, forcing him to speak or acknowledge her first. it seems like a subconscious thing she does to at least try and gain some semblance of power of him. as if he’s coming to her, and not her to him, even if she knows that’s not the truth at all in reality. cue ‘why’d you only call me when you’re high?’ by the arctic monkeys, thank you!!! because he only calls on her when he desires it it, when he deigns her worthy of his time. and she’ll come almost every time, unless she’s doing this. trying in small, inconsequential ways to try and reclaim any sense of power that she can scramble together, even if it’s completely fabricated and to not effect on somebody as floaty as Beomgyu. how could it hurt him when he literslly doesn’t give a shit already? making a point by intentionally not seeing him for two weeks does not dent him. making him speak first does not dent him. i understand her need to try, though. i’d feel like i was losing my mind if i was dealing with him, too.

throughout this i was just like… visualizing him so viscerally. like, if i could describe him, itd be smoke. dark, toxic to breathe, fleeting but potent, and impossible not to breathe when you’re caught in the middle of the fire. and just the imagery portrayed, the smoke kisses and all that i feel just solidifies it. unfortunately, it is completely sexy and hot and i hate it! “If I was available right now?” He holds out the cigarette for you to take. Eyeing it with disdain for a moment, you decline by shaking your head, “I don’t smoke.” — Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow at you, “You’d be the first to decline.” He studies you for a moment, the corner of his lip twitching into a faint smirk. “But you’re the first of many things, dollface”, he says as he brings the cigarette to his lips. one of my fav passages. LIKE? he’s insane, first of all him smoking is just SEXY i’m sorry it’s fucking HOT and i’d take that right from his lips but ANYWAY, this scene is absolutely a lot more than a quick exchange, and it’s clear that it’s supposed to be more. it almost seems to sum up their entire relationship in a way, but let me stretch before i reach. it just feels so monumental. if i could sum up the fic with one passage, it would be THIS one. the speaking, but really they’re saying something else, the nuance, the symbolism of the smoking and him offering her something that could harm her much in the same way he does with a plethora of other things, and him making little comments and doing little soft things that make her wonder if maybe she is special. ‘but you’re the first of many things, dollface.’ i believe that it’s the small moments like this that keep this relationship going, that keeps MC suspended in enough belief to put herself through what Beomgyu offers her. just art. like i’m fully slobbering over this I EFFING LOVE YOU

ladies, take this as a warning! cast men like this out of your life! demons! all of them! they consume your souls! not all of them are as sexy and worth it as choi beomgyu!

AND LIKE I SAID. he is seriously good at making her accept little to nothing. and i’ll say it again and again. you do it SO realistically. ���At least he was here with you and not the woman he’d been feeling up not even an hour prior. You were all that mattered to him. Right? That’s why he’d gone after you, only you.” settling for less and less. it is such a classic example of how somebody who’s not being treated good at all by somebody that they value the attention of will accept less and less over time, filling in the gaps with excuses. it’s so realistic and SO GOOD. first, it’s ’oh, maybe i’m the only girl.’ then, it’s stuff like thsi. ‘it’s okay, because he left her for me.’ GIRL STAND UP. but also, how could you blame her? i mean, obviously she has some blame in this. of course she does. but i understand her completely. yeah, she’s fully cooked… do NOT let that man break your spirit!

and let me say. and i mean, LISTEN TO ME. i have to tell u that DOLLHOUSE THE WEEKND AND LILY ROSE DEPP IS LITERALLY SO PERF AND I NEED U TO HEAR ME ON THAT. it’s so them. just the essence of the song, the lyrics paint SUCH a dynamic and it is so SO SOS O them. please and thank you.

BACK TO BUSINESS. the scene where she’s investigating him and asks him why he did it, but is actually insinuating the man that he killed in the first scene where she was terrified of him without even having to mention it out loud because yeonjun was listening, shows how in tune they are with each other despite it all, and definitely why shes best and worst to be on this case. because he knows exactly how to tug on that leash even if she thought she took it off ten months ago, and yet… quite literally nobody will get a word out of him besides her. AND, i don’t believe that anybody even knows him better than her. it clashes, but i can’t even tell if her being on this case is the best or the worst. i am so enthralled by the murder case, by the way. a lot of fanfic writers are really, really good at writing the romance aspects of a fic. and it’s okay, because a lot of them don’t need to be more than that. but then there’s fics like these that are more than that. this is how i spot the best of the best writers—who can keep A B and C plots all interesting and worth paying attention to, beyond just whether or not they fuck and get together. it takes a higher level of writing skill that i’m not saying EVERYBODY has to have as a fanfic writer, but it is something that i believe set certain fics apart as something just a little different. i love it.

like, just the fact that we watch how she’s changed by beomgyu. he infects her. he actively ruins her, and i can’t even tell if it’s intentional. and the cycle kinda continues, we see her using taehyun to get at beomgyu. it’s not fair, stringing him along as beomgyu does her. it’s the concept of being the victim of a situation and then recycling that pent up toxicity into another person, and now, are you even better than that person at all? do you deserve how they treated you, now? my heart honestly did ache for taehyun cuz that’s bae, but ALSO god he was just so sweet and willing to go out with her, and she drug him right to the same shady places that beomgyu dragged her. it’s almost melancholic seeing her become that, even if in less intense ways. this is the effect of what beomgyu does to her, and again. she is not entirely a victim. doing the same to taehyun was not fair. but reality isn’t fair, is it? and you do reality so SOOOO well. i’m opening my notes app rn thabk you very much. just this toxic, heady kind of consuming relationship where it infects you and corrodes you on the inside. changes who you are for the worse. like a drug. CAUSE HE REALLY IS A DRUG IN THIS FIC AND IM STILL GAGGED OVER THAT.

also, i think i know why cc beomgyu gives you as much pain as tsfawc taehyun gives me. the both of them are very much internal characters. they say and act in ways, and could say anything, but their mind could be something completely else. they watch their words so painstakingly closely that you have to write them that painstakingly closely as well, because every word means something else with them. the do not say what they mean, and when they do, it doesn’t seem like they are because they never do. they’re definitely not the same in any capacity— but they def are both cold in very different ways. beomgyu is the absolute leading force in this fic, coupled with the main storyline: the murder of baekhyun, which he is intrinsically tied to as a suspect. but he also just has such a gravitational force that he makes it that way. it’s clear that his role isn’t actually main love interest like i wrote earlier. the more you learn about him, the more you see that he is a driving, enigmatic force in the story than anything else. something potent and so real that it’s kinda uncomfortable, but certainly too far out of reach to be a love interest. especially toward the end, jumping between the flashbacks where the walls are slowly coming down between them and then to the future where they meet as interrogator and interrogated is both jarring AND it emphasizes that fact. as good as it seems things might’ve been going, choi beomgyu is as choi beomgyu is. believing that he’s something he’s not, projecting your own preconceived notions onto him, whether it’s the idea that he’s nothing but a street rat or even on the flip side that he’s anything more than that, is a mistake. he cannot he pinned down, and to try is to fail. that’s what MC is both slowly learning and forgetting, and it’s why we see them where they are in the future. strangers but not.

it’s so crazy that she and even us as readers are so used to bare minimum that even him relenting something so simple as a contact to text him with feels almost romantic. this is how beomgyu operates. he gives so, so little, knowing that you’re hooked, so that even the littlest something is hard hitting. but he’s sowed such mistrust in us and MC that giving something like this, seemingly letting down walls even just the littlest bit, feels bittersweet. could you even let yourself enjoy it when you fear that it’s for nothing?

it feels like such a journey. in the present, only five days have passed, but because we go through so much in the flashbacks it is SUCHHH a journey. so even though we are discovering so much past, we are still so entirely lost as to the happenings of the present. the dual-plot points and storylines is GENIUS. like i need to give you all your flowers for that. it gets you so invested and, even though you’re finding so much out about their history, all it does is lend you clues to the still enigmatic present. so genuinely set up.

“He appears almost bored, but you knew that he was listening intently, for he had stop playing with his rings.” ALSO PERFECT!! perfect. always acting, feigning nonchalance no matter what. but there’s one person that got close enough to spot the tells. how ironic is it that the one person that he let close enough, no matter how minimally, is now in charge of a case he’s accused of murder in? nevertheless, he had the fact that she is clearly, to everybody including herself, both emotionally resistant to harming him AND wishing he was locked tf away forever. oh it’s messy alright!

and let me say again, just the fact that shes literally watching herself change, becoming someone less like herself and more like him, able to see it but not at all able to stop herself from craving the hit that the drug of him gives her. hurting the people around her, like taehyun, hurting herself, but she will crawl to him on her hands and knees for a fix because she’s allowed him to bring her down to this place. to the drugs and the nasty people and places that choi beomgyu exists in, and it’s lowkey started to take root in her too fhe more she exists in it with him. dragging taehyun to a place like that? using him? is that not a reflection of beomgyu in some ways? and then all of a sudden she’s at this new low, sitting in a sweet little park on a sweet little bench watching him fucking snort drugs off the back of his hand, escaping the sight in a grimy bathroom where the light’s flickering, and even in a moment of reflection like this, it isn’t enough to wake her up.

so, after that whole yap festival, i literally do not want to wrap this reblog up, but i fear it literally will not load to post if i don’t. even though most of this was kinda like coke-induced rambling, i am thoroughly invested in this fic from hereon out. this is now my fic for the year thabk you! serene i love you brain and just OMFG i cannot believe i’ve taken so long to get to this. until the next part..

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 [ every single tape recorded for Criminal Conscience, listed in order ] ⎯ this series is still being updated !

Criminal Conscience contains sexual content. The story portrays substance abuse and acting under the influence as well as both unhealthy and toxic relationships. It also includes other triggering topics such as attempted SA and violence/gore along with character death. ⎯ Each tape is carefully tagged with individual warnings, read them all properly before continuing.

this series has been revamped, find the archived version here.

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ wc, 44.1k and counting ་༘࿐

📼 TAPE 01 ⎯ STAY AWAY FROM CHOI BEOMGYU “Choi Beomgyu”, he says, the smirk on his lips widening as he does. The name fit him, oddly enough. Perhaps it was a bad idea to give out your own name. He was a stranger, not to mention one that Kayla had specifically warned you about not long ago. Still, this man intrigued you beyond limits.. 

📼 TAPE 02 ⎯ RED LIPSTICK STAINS The red lipstick that you had accidentally brought along this morning, the one you were supposed to get rid of. It had been but a mere coincidence right… The way it had presented itself so nicely on your dresser earlier that day.

📼 TAPE 03 ⎯ TO KNOW IS NOT TO LOVE The cool metal of his rings sting your naked skin as his hands caress your thighs. He’s silent, and for a moment you thought that he might be angry with you. But then his eyes lift to meet yours, they’re dark, but in the pale light of night, they seemed to be almost glowing. “Dollface?” His breath is hot against your legs. 

📼 TAPE 04 ⎯ I DON'T SMOKE He holds out the cigarette for you to take. Eyeing it with disdain for a moment, you decline by shaking your head, “I don’t smoke.” — Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow at you, “You’d be the first to decline.” He studies you for a moment, the corner of his lip twitching into a faint smirk. “But you’re the first of many things, dollface”, he says as he brings the cigarette to his lips. 

📼 TAPE 05 ⎯ BLOODY BODIES Immediately you jerk back, your gaze flitting down to your now stained fingers. It was fresh. “Oh my god”, is all you can muster and before he has the chance to object your hands are insistently bunching his shirt up above his chest. — “Dollface”, Beomgyu tries, his fingers gently wrapping around your wrists but you merely shrug him off, all too focused on the blood smeared across his skin.

📼 TAPE 06 ⎯ A BUSINESS KIND OF DEAL His lips stretch into a smirk when he notes the increasing frown on your face. “Think of it as a business deal”, he says as he motions toward the two of you. — “Business?” You echo, the confusion in your voice evident. Beomgyu nods, his tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. “No deals go through until both parties consent to it of course.”

📼 TAPE 07 ⎯ $5 FOR A ROLL With slight reluctance you pluck the piece of paper from him, trembling fingers rolling it up and creating a makeshift straw. Beomgyu watches you with an amused smirk, his tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. You don’t say anything when you hand him back the now rolled dollar bill, and he doesn’t either as he takes it from you.

taglist remains open for this series, send me an ask or reply under this post to be added !

header made by talented @heesmiles<3

[castleclerics]

byler fandom annoying as hell bc i do not understand how this doesn’t absolve absolutely every single person of byler doubt 100%. mike literally glances down to his right nervously.

bro just look at this one more time. there is nothing else for mike to look at besides will’s wrist touching his, will’s arm is literally blocking the whole right side of the painting!!!!!!! like that’s crazy are you kidding me it still throws me for a loop

this should honestly be the most undeniable proof imho like. it literally cannot be and isn’t anything else but mike feeling weird about will just brushing against him. girl. like it’s in the bag yall pmo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pineapplesoda]

let’s examine aiden’s half a bit.

aiden has always had his autonomy taken from him. by the justice system, by society, by his peers- i imagine/my theory is when his wife died he fell into a deep nasty depression and someone related to ava had taken her illegally into custody for her own safety- obviously without his knowledge. then he’s arrested, (which, i also believe aiden has some diagnosed Scary Disorder, personal hc is bpd but aspd is also up there) (and probably was cited as a clause for him being unstable and killing ava) (but no diagnosis on his adhd an angel lost its wings he so has adhd) (and ALSO if he’s trans. You already know the nasty shit they’re saying abt him) and nobody will believe him. NOBODY believes him and he’s forced on medication, kept alone in a cell, has his body and mind tampered with. then the combine come along

they offer him freedom, tell him that his mental issues don’t effect his morality, he’s a good person despite what he’s done. as long as he’s an obedient good soldier.

we know what happens from there. he realizes they’re using him and when he attempts to do something about it he has his mind and body and overall autonomy violated again by people he sincerely thought he could trust

he helped wilson gain a sense of autonomy. wilson is quite literally an incomprehensible being now- as you said, a hyperobject. he helps aiden slowly claw back his own freedom. they save eachother. could almost say complete eachother. aiden is a man with machine parts stuffed inside him and tech constantly monitoring him and wilson is a man trapped in the code of whatever technology he’s haunting occupying. they make eachother more human. I could have a whole other rant abt possible post canon dynamics and slowly trying to act like people again but let’s save that for later maybe. if u ask ill happily tell some of my ideas though ;] wilson mark III hev gijinka..

now onto the trans aiden thing.

aiden’s intro monologue is also very reflective of many queer and neurodivergent experiences- his exact words;

They used to tell me, it wasn’t normal to be like me. They locked me up, medicated me, outcasted me. Because of the way i am, my family, my morality. People. Took. Everything.

now the average person could write that off as him ranting abt being treated weird for being crazy- which, yeah, by the time ez2 rolls around the combine has conditioned him so much and also let’s be real put him on so many drugs for performance he’s a big of a violent maniac. AS HE SHOULD BE. HONESTLY FOR WHAT HES BEEN THOUGH HE IS INCREDIBLY NORMAL. but what strikes me is the “my family” line. the people he mentions as most important to him are his grandma, his wife, and also bec (2810 idk if you know about entropy uprising BUT! bec isn’t actually from ez2 he’s from a whole other fan mod of ez1 and he’s really interesting u should look into uprising i could talk even longer abt bec and victor sixty) but we can ignore him for now

was he raised by his grandma? he doesn’t feel the need to mention his parents- estranged from them? maybe they don’t support him? maybe his wife was also trans and/or they were in an unconventional relationship? his family- hell, maybe ava is adopted or even if he did have her himself, people would consider that gross and unnatural and “harmful to a developing child” to be around odd dynamics. if you just probe a little bit he is REALLY representative of a lot of queer experiences and also disabled experiences. he’s so fascinating

anyways in short aiden and wilson are sort of fucked up soulmates and they’ll figure out a way to kiss abt it

yknow i think we need to talk more about Wilson in the true ending

how he starts out as this small and helpless thing trapped inside a defective non-mobile body despite being fully sentient, only to then become part of (and consequently become) something unfathomably large and powerful, something more than just a building, or just a compound, or just a control system. i could (and just might) argue that uploaded Wilson (and with him the Arbeit and Combine systems) approaches the definition of a hyperobject, or perhaps fits it to a t. but my point here is: all of that was possible because, back when he was small and powerless to enact any sort of agency over even his own existence, someone helped him. yes, meeting 36 was basically a coincidence, and yes, originally he took Wilson with him because he had no other choice, but what matters is that when he was given a choice to leave him (which would make his traversal infinitely easier), 36 took him along. and it matters so much that even when he had every reason to believe Wilson was gone, he still fulfilled the wish timidly shared with him hours prior. underneath the snappy remarks and the "shut up"s and the emotional constipation, 36 cared, and in the end, that was enough to save Wilson. so of course, when the roles are suddenly reversed, and now it's 36 who is powerless to escape the torture inflicted on him, Wilson comes to help with no hesitation. of course he does.

[goatdon]

I think the thing i love the most abt the pitt is that we really only get glimpses into their life and tidbits about their families and friends

because then. for crazy people like me.. you can hc and theorize SOOO much. and nobody can tell you differently because one throwaway line means can mean anything. everything is up to ur interpretation. the sea is ur oyster.

like i love love seeing people do this specifically with langdon & garcias relationship as well as abby langdon. we’ve never even see her but people give her suchhhh character when they aren’t hyperspeeding their divorce. plus the idea of langdon & garcia going all the way back to undergrad is so fun. and boy the amount of things you can fit into collins/robby since the timeline of their relationship is genuinely so murky/unclear. (my fav thing ever tho like yall don’t even wanna know what my pre series hc is)

i think the character descriptions from november can play into this because. we get the most random information that literally never comes into play. collins used to work in finance… u can fit that anywhere and write / hc it in soo many ways. but like allegedly mel and becca are twins and mel is going thru a personal loss (her mom) ?! and santos being a former athlete like cmonnn

it’s just like. what a lovely thing to have as a person who takes canon into their own hands. if i was a fic writer id go crazy.

[lovesickeros]

lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...

it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy

also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]

gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.

anyway.

there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.

imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.

a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.

the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?

but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.

[myokk]

When will you release new chapters on Ao3 🥲

Hi!!

I'M ACTUALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER​🥹​🙏​ I'M SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG...I just checked and I haven't updated since May 1st​😫​ this chapter is really crazy...and I've been having lots of difficulty pulling everything together and writing well😔🙏

Here's a little excerpt...​💓​

Her father barely gave her time to get to her feet, legs still shaking and fingers visibly trembling before he would cast that terrible spell again: Legilimens.

Eloise found that she could last a few seconds, staring defiantly into her father’s eyes, before it would become too much and she would collapse. She vaguely wondered if everyone felt the same when their memories were invaded so, or if it were just another show of her disgusting weakness.

She could tell that her father was holding back today. He wasn’t ripping into her memories and tearing them up like he had been the day before; this time, he was focusing specifically on the same group of memories that had to do with the day she was removed from their family and banished. Maybe it was curiosity for how she perceived the day, but whatever it was, Eloise hated reliving the worst day of her life over and over again. The day she had lost everything. The day it had been confirmed to her that she didn’t belong, would never belong. (Of course, before it had happened, she had long-sensed it coming: more and more frequently, she had spent entire weeks in her room, alone, without being able to leave.)

The emotions burning and tearing her apart were going to leave only a charred husk of herself in their parlor if they kept this up for much longer. It had been so long since she had thought about that day, and she would have preferred to never remember it again. If she thought her memories had faded since they happened, she had quickly learned that the assumption was erroneous.

“You need to clear your mind of all emotions, fool girl,” her father spat. Eloise took advantage of the fact he was talking to collapse into an armchair to her right. The bright light of the late morning was filtering through the windows and even though it was the end of October, it felt warm. She sat with her head cradled in her hands, not caring that she was being frightfully disrespectful by not looking up at him with her usual composure. Sweat trickled down her neck, her breathing was uneven. “How could a daughter of mine let herself get so carried away by hysteria? You’re a Babbit. So show me. Get up.”

Eloise got to her feet and shuffled over to stand in front of her father again. She tried to clear out her mind. Compartmentalize and fold everything that made her her into a small, tiny, insignificant thing that could be shoved into a corner. Picture a smooth pond, a drop of dew from a leaf suspended above, slowly rolling off the leaf and falling into the center of the pond, the ripples slowly circling out perfectly and look…there…was another perfect drop, about to fall into the middle of the pond and -

Loud, shaking footsteps came closer and disturbed the peaceful stillness of the pond and all of a sudden she was being tossed around by huge waves, salt and bile filling her mouth and she couldn’t breath, and then she was eleven years old and gasping for breath and bleeding on the very floor she was currently lying on, five years later.

Eloise was at her father’s mercy once again. She couldn’t move. Imprisoned inside her mind.

Her parents were both looming over her, an unimaginable disgust she had never seen before marring both of their beautiful faces. Theirs had always been a cold beauty - faces carved from marble, cut-glass features and generally impassive. She couldn’t make out the words they were hissing at her, but the hatred was something tangible that she could feel and it would stick with her forever. It was an oppressive and dark and overwhelming feeling. Her mother raised her wand, no doubt to cast another -

But her father grabbed her mother’s hand and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and slowly lowered her wand, and then they were both gone. Eloise doesn’t know how long she had laid there, bleeding and gasping, before Leo burst through the door, face wild. He had only finished his first year of Hogwarts - was only twelve-about-to-turn-thirteen, and yet it was on his shoulders to try and nurse his sister back to life. Loli appeared and silently assisted, holding her healing hands over the cuts as Leo cleared away the blood.

Eloise had remained silent the whole time, swallowing up any tears that threatened to spill out and staring up at her brother with solemn eyes. They both knew it was the last time they would ever see each other, and she had already ruined it enough with the blood. She opened her mouth to speak, to say something, try to reassure him that it - that she - would be okay, but no words came out.

“I expect you to continue practicing your Occlumency,” her father said as he extracted himself from her mind and looked down at her with disgust.

[gorbo-longstocking]

Omg hi I’m the anon about having a dream about chapter 9!!! Thank you so much,I’m looking forward to this absolutely work are art. THIS ISNT ME TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO but it would be cool if you could do more works like it! Loving the vibes of it a lot of maybe if you feel up to using similar media to write different stories would be so epic if you have thought of it! I just love how you write things and incorporate it all together it’s beautiful!!! Thank you so much again -🍒

GOD THIS IS SO SWEET. man, i think this about all of my projects when im working on them, but dare i day that i think dnbts is my most coherent and well put together one yet. i have a bad habit of not planning ahead and just going with the flow, and while im still doing that with dnbts, i have at the VERY LEAST and ending in mind for it! which is honestly more than i can say for my other fics.

speaking of which! if you ever wanted to read any of my other fics, while i dont think theyre as good as dnbts, a few have similar themes to the “i can fix them”isms, and a sweet but somewhat toxic relationships. and also they can be read fandom blind, I THINK???? along with some other future projects that i have planned. ill put all that information under the cut, and if you ever want the vibes for any of my fics, just check out the playlist for it! theyre all on my pinned post. itll tell you all you need to know

okay for fics im working on and have already published, if you like “do not blame the sea,” check out:

wolf, made for slaughter - an oc x canon polyamory endgame about a weirdo freak main character who used to be a mercenary under the tutelage of their abusive creator who they are a clone of moves to gotham and desperately tries not to be discovered as a criminal by batman while entering the most toxic yaoi imaginable with two rogues (scarecrow and riddler)

nemesis & nike - an undertale fanfiction, that… okay, to the uninvolved of the undertale fandom, lowkey needs some explaining. but basically, the first arc — which im still working on — is a survival horror where the main character (who is an autistic dog coded transmasc, i love those if you couldn’t tell) has to try not to be killed by vengeful alternate universe variants of sans and papyrus. and they all fall in gay love the end.

displeasures of the flesh - this is my transformers fanfiction that’s a romance featuring two background characters from the comics being forced into human bodies after their deaths. yn is a weirdo freak who finds one of them and they go on a journey to find his original giant robot body, falling in toxic love along the way. also his boyfriend shows up and a throuple happens. this one, while no where NEAR well written, has some of my favorite scenes and themes of anything ive ever written.

all three of these fics feature a trans main character, freaky/damaged love interests, and half toxic / half sweet romances. id say nemesis & nike are the least toxic and half of the love interests are all trying to kill the mc.

and as for future projects

out of sight, out of time - my book that i’m trying to publish, so i likely won’t post it anywhere online. however, if you want to read or stay updated with the draft, you can always dm me! i dont mind! it’s a time travel romantic comedy about an uptight roman centurion waking up in modern day kentucky and having a nuisances to lovers arc with a lazy but kind farmer

balm for the soul - sister fic to displeasures of the flesh featuring the other three members of the decepticon justice division x scientist reader. i have to finish displeasures of the flesh to start this one and that’ll take a WHILE.

metameric hearts - another original work that i don’t really know what to do with because it’s basically just monster porn. the plot is a human astronaut is shot into space in a one way trip to search for intelligent life. they are knocked off course and, coincidentally, picked up by an alien vessel in orbit of a small planet studying the microscopic lifeforms on the surface. its first contact for both species, three giant centipede scientists and one little human. there was supposed to be some humor there where the aliens are trying to hide the human from their superiors so the human doesn’t get carted away to be dissected. so darkly humorous.

commodus modern au x reader - no title for this one yet, but we were talking about it in the server and i MUST write it one day. basically yn works at a restaurant as a waiter, and their coworkers is maximus, who is a bartender. commodus shows up to deliver maximus a message from lucilla, but winds up sitting down to eat during the slow hours and you are his waiter. in short, you are nice to him and accidentally validate him during his bad day with your stellar customer service and he becomes pathetically hyperfixated on you. love fails!

oneshot modern au caracalla x alga - i just listened to lost kitten by metric once and saw visions of modern caralga. if i need a palate cleanser from writing dnbts ill cook this up

possible assassins creed odyssey longfic featuring stentor x reader - this would be the most similar one to dnbts as its set in ancient greece and it’d be a time travel romance because i LOVE those. this is my favorite game btw chat.

possible star wars isekai x reader fic - i had this plotted out in my head last summer but i didnt write anything down except in my qpps discord dms so. we shall see if this ever comes to fruition but i really really like the idea. it’d be clone centric because i FUCKING LOOOOOVE the clones

possible doctor who doctor x time lord!reader - featuring themes of identity, trauma, and toxic yaoi. no clue when ill get around to this as i genuinely don’t remember anything about doctor who but TRUST this is a yaoi so toxic. sad miserable sweaty yn shaking like a chihuahua while this fucking alien projects all of his hopes onto them

[yutamayo]

Y'all just cool with clicking kudos on darkfics? Nah bro I'm not ab to out myself like that ima close the tab giving the 20min experience of reading that a silent thas crazy and thank u tho

Fr I see the list of kudos accs names and I'm like..... Should I make a second acc for reading vs my one for writing cus. I won't lie I'm not THAT honest 😂

[puppetmaster13u]

@phoenixcatch7

I have a very important question about the Possessed Doll Au Does Alfred also have a doll or do the Justice League see this old man who looks human scolding the most terrifying member of their group- and it's somehow working

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Gambling Apocalypse Tenma AU

As I rewatch Kaiji I inevitably end up wanting to combine show I like with other show I like and stuffing fav characters into show. So here we are.

This was uh going to be a short summary type thing but I accidentally wrote a novella about it sorry

This AU starts off with a much more depressive Tenma. After Tobio's death, rather than immediately pour his grief into developing a robot version of his son, he recedes into himself, psychologically paralyzed, likely turning to alcohol to drown out his anguish.

His mental state is taken as an opportunity within the Ministry of Science to have him ejected from his position; Tenma was never the most well-liked director, and there were those with ambition to usurp him that would jump at the chance. Not that he especially cares in his state.

He's eventually dragged out of his stagnation by Ochanomizu - who, inadvertently, becomes the very catalyst pushing Tenma to develop a robot replacement to his child. This was not what he meant by encouraging Tenma to fill the void left by his son.

...But, well, he is no longer the director of the Ministry of Science. His access to limitless government funds and resources for "scientific research" has been cut off, and this is a project he cannot finance on his own. He can't ask Ochanomizu for help, but...interestingly...a representative of a certain shady organization known as the Teiai Corporation reaches out to him, offering to finance and support his project. A sane and well-minded Tenma might think better of it, but grieving and desperate, Tenma accepts their offer and is able to create a robot in the image of his beloved Tobio. For a while, there's joy in his life.

But the bill, as ever, comes due: Tenma must pay up, and the very resources that had been at his disposal will certainly ensure that he will, or else. Of course, he doesn't have the money; instead, he is given a choice. He can relinquish the robot Tobio in order to wipe out his debt - the child is a sophisticated and powerful robot, after all - or he can participate in a certain illicit event hosted by the Teiai Corporation.

It's nothing major...just a four-hour gambling cruise with a collection of desperate, damned souls that were also swept into debt with Teiai. The conditions are simple: Those who choose to participate are given a chance to clear their debts wholesale should they win. And should they lose...?

Well...no one really knows what happens to the losers seized by Teiai. It's said that they labour away their debts under Teiai's watchful eye and are freed once their work has covered their debts, though it's rumoured that most perish before they reclaim freedom.

There's only one answer Tenma can give, of course; he's not willing to lose Tobio again.

Thus is Tenma's debut into the Gambling Apocalypse, where he must become cutthroat in order to survive; if he wants to see his son again, he must make choices that will doom the hapless to miserable servitude, with a nonzero chance it ends in their death.

He survives the cruise, but of course, it was hardly enough to clear his debt; the cruise was never going to be the end of it. Teiai doesn't let go of its victims that easily. He will be called on again: this is a weight that hangs over him, all while he returns to his son Tobio. The same hands that have pushed innocents into hell must now be the hands that can embrace his child.

He wants to protect Tobio from the truth and enjoy what peaceful moments he's allowed with his son, but it's difficult. It's difficult to be the parent of a child who cannot understand the danger that looms ahead; this "happy" home is not to last. Tenma angers quickly and easily. He turns that anger onto Tobio.

As Teiai's games become more and more vicious and unrelenting, as his conscience holds onto the last vestiges of thread that remain, Tenma even threatens, once, to give the boy in: it would all end, then; the debt would be clear and no longer would he have to endure Tobio's childish annoyances, his ungratefulness.

The next time that Tenma is beckoned, Tobio takes matters into his own hands. He does understand, now; and he would have, if only Tenma had bothered to explain sooner. If it's a debt that needs clearing, he will work. He will help his father clear his debts however he can. Of course, it's difficult to find work as a child; but a circus troupe finds amusement in the idea of a child robot, and takes him in. He is whisked into a certainly unpleasant working situation, but he remembers his father, and what he must be enduring. Tobio, also, will endure.

When Tenma returns, Tobio is gone.

All that held Tenma back from becoming something monstrous has disappeared. All that kept him going has disappeared. When he is called upon by Teiai, there is no knowing what sort of person might come out the other end; whether a monster clawing his way to freedom regardless of what actions he must take, or a desolate husk surrendering defeat.

There is still a light, however dim: Found by Professor Ochanomizu and rescued from the circus, Tobio - now Atom - is able to shed light on the situation which Tenma took great pains to keep hidden from his old friend. With time running out, Ochanomizu and Atom must do what they can to save Tenma - from Teiai, and from himself.

-----

UHHH and that's a wrap!!!! I couldn't quite decide which way Tenma would go after hitting Rock Bottom in this AU, and tbh it would really depend on the kind of mental state he's in at the time. On the one hand I like the narrative of Ochanomizu and Tobio racing to prevent Tenma from crossing a line (actual outright murder probably) - or having to pull him back into humanity (and yknow, his ensuing penance)

But on the other hand having him get sent to Teiai Evil Hell Prison would be interesting because a) there's a lot of narrative potential having Tenma faced with what Teiai is doing with the people that lose the games and b) need him to decimate the foreman at chinchirorin Kaiji style

Tenma's whole character is definitely a much different guy in this AU, he starts off pretty sympathetic, the guy you wanna root for, he just ends up having an inverse character arc where he gets worse instead of better. His conflict with "Tobio" is also kind of reversed, less about being unsatisfied with Tobio as a son and more not being able to handle the fact that he probably has intense PTSD now and isnt capable of coping with it in a way conducive to being a parent (or like, coping at all)

Anyway that's gambling apocalypse tenma!!!

[caramelmochacrow]

Photon Maiden's selection album, 4 Un Voyage, finally released!! Let's go!!!

Here are the songs in order:

FriendShip

4 Challenges (ver. 2023)

We Never Stop (ver. 2023)

Hikari (ver. 2024)

Akatsuki (fruits mix ver. 2024)

OVERCOME (ver. 2023)

Linked Ring (ver. 2023)

Collector

24 (ver. 2024)

Into the storm (ver. 2024)

Be with the world (ver. 2023)

Photon Melodies (ver. 2023)

Begin Again

Platinum (Saki Solo cover)

Dear My Friend (Ibuki Solo cover)

Fansa (Towa Solo Cover)

Let The Show Begin (Noa Solo cover)

Your Love ♡

Happy Happy Friend (Cutopia cover)

Kawaikute Gomen (Cutopia cover)

Photon Melodies (TAKU INOUE Remix ver. 2025)

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

wait a minute...

vsynths as they exist in my primary interpretations:

are not entirely human despite looking very similar to humans

well recognized for their unnatural hair + eye colors (& the occasional extra body horror)

possess increased endurance & strength compared to normal humans (particularly in surviving injuries/accidents that would be fatal to regular humans)

have a complicated relationship with humanity

some have the ability to change physical form (or aspects of it) entirely

exist in a "third space" somewhere between reality and fiction, shit happens to humams who stay in that space for too long

have questionable morality

are well-known for a particular ability (singing) and potential "magic" associated with said ability

possess other potential supernatural abilities & supernatural elements to their mere existence

public opinion on them drastically shifts now and then

have been known to lead humans to complete ruin, knowingly or unknowingly

can and will mess with humans, playing tricks/being a minor annoyance at best and killing people at worst

"rituals" can be conducted for them in attempts to "appease" them or prevent them from causing any harm/annoyance

on a technical lit analysis level, are representative of a [human] fear (that technology will "replace us")

ITS JUST THE FUCKING FAE ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEYRE FAIRIES TOO IM NFBDBDNF FUCK THIS SHIT

[ghostbeam]

Sometimes I just wanna write a full slasher all suspense all stress no happy ending for the character I’ll pick as the slasher all brutal final girl prevails etc etc

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

what insanity are they on??? why are they subscribed to his bbl? i hope his company takes them all to court

if u want to have another bitter laugh while scrolling through some of these accounts, one of them was acting pissy bcs they liked circle 😭😭😭

[fightwing]

out of all the fab fiv.e age retcons i think it needs to be said the galaxy brained order of age is: roy, donna, wally, garth, dick

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO